A+. The grade I gave myself in the friendly confines of Fox Television for my performance as president; equivalent to my Wharton MBA. See “Fox Television”; cf. “Wharton.”
Attorney General. My personal lawyer. See “personal lawyer”; cf. “Southern accent.”
Beautiful. So sexy I want to grab her by the pussy. Cf. “woman.”
Brain surgeon. See “cabinet” and “useful idiot.”
By the way. Translation: but here’s the point I really want to make.
Cabinet. Ben Carson (my African-American), Betsy DeVos (my woman) and, crucially, my white men. See also “brain surgeon” and “woman.”
California. State filled with Latin American immigrants. See “Latin American immigrants.”
Climate change. A fake claim made by elitists. See “fake” and “elitists.”
Confidentiality. A right to privacy in SF-86 security clearance applications that former law enforcement employees think they’re entitled to. Too bad when they run against me or my Republican allies (https://www.rollcall.com/news/politics/usps-issues-mea-culpa-for-release-of-virginia-democrats-clearance-form.) Cf. “security clearance” and “tax return.”
Constitution. Something that requires reading. See “reading.”
Contempt of court. Law enforcement excess that cries out for a presidential pardon, like for Sheriff Joe (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pardon_of_Joe_Arpaio).
Conviction. Something I lack and hope always to circumvent.
Co-operating witnesses. (1) Snitches; weak people who rat on me. (2) People I need in order to prosecute all those leakers.
Critic. (1) Someone who says all politicians are corrupt, which is how they justify supporting me anyway; (2) Democrat. See “Democrat.”
Democracy. Place infested with fake news. See “fake.”
Democrat. Political opponent, regardless of party, e.g., Mueller and his cronies.
Dictator. My holy grail (https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2018/06/the-man-who-would-be-king/562247/).
Disability. Not what I had in mind when I mocked that reporter.
Diversity. See “cabinet.”
Doctor. M.D. holder willing to take my dictation calling me the healthiest president in history (https://www.ndtv.com/world-news/healthiest-president-ever-doctor-says-donald-trump-dictated-2015-letter-1846377).
Elitist. Someone who looks down on me.
Emolument. Entitlement—the good kind that benefits me, not the handouts that Democrats claim for themselves. Cf. “Democrat.”
Enemy of the people. A news organization that tells lies. See “lie” and “the people.”
Equal protection. The right white people had when America was great the first time. See also “white supremacist.”
Failed; also failing. Critical of me.
Fake. Real; true.
Fantastic job. Killer success in Puerto Rico. (https://www.nytimes.com/2018/08/29/us/politics/fact-check-trump-puerto-rico-hurricane-maria.html).
Fired. Verdict I love rendering on television and Twitter but avoid giving in person.
Fox Television. State television when I achieve my holy grail. Thank you, Australia, for Rupert. See “dictator.”
Freedom of religion. If you vote for me, you can believe what you want, so long as it isn’t Islam.
God. Vladimir Putin.
Golf. If I need to cheat to win, that’s life (https://nypost.com/2018/08/30/trump-tried-to-buy-years-of-unflattering-stories-from-national-enquirer/).
Government. My fiefdom.
Government/civil service worker. Parasite.
Great. (1) Someone who supports me, as in “great man”; (2) the era when America, the first time it was great, correctly interpreted equal protection. See “equal protection”; cf. “Democrat.”
Hillary. Target of Republican investigations which established that inability to prove a crime doesn’t mean taint can’t stick. See “Democrat,” “Republican” and “woman.”
Immigrant from Latin America. Scum.
Immigrant from Norway. Now you’re talking. (https://www.vox.com/2018/1/11/16880750/trump-immigrants-shithole-countries-norway).
Immigration policy/separation of children from parents. Maybe why I should keep Jeff Sessions as Attorney General. Cf. “Attorney General” and “Southern accent.”
Intelligence. Something Steve Bannon used to say I have in abundance, although I’ve since heard he called me a useful idiot. See “useful idiot.”
Ivanka. If only I weren’t her dad….
Kenya. Somewhere in Africa, country filled with shitholes.
King. See “dictator.”
Ku Klux Klansman. See “white supremacist.”
Law and order. “I am the law and order candidate.” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POLyfs-TD1s). Cf. “Attorney General,” “Hillary,” “law enforcement” and “rule of law.”
Law enforcement. Opponents of what I say the law is. See “rule of law.”
Lie. Irritating fact about me.
Loyalty. (1) Something I am owed by everyone; (2) something I owe to no one.
Manhattan. Place where elitists look down on people from Queens. See “elitist” and “Queens, borough of.”
Mexico. Deadbeat nation that still hasn’t paid for the wall.
Montenegro, Prime Minister of. I enjoyed shoving that pipsqueak out of my way on that stage (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIdrTSjzGKY).
New York City. Place where they’ve made me feel unwelcome since the election, but they still have to pay millions for my security, so there.
North Korea. Rocket Man and I were getting on so well. Why did he have to go and screw it up?
Obama. A man from Kenya. See “Kenya.”
Patriotism. Treating me like Putin. See “Putin, Vladimir.”
Personal lawyer. Not someone I’d recommend, e.g., Michael Cohen. By the way, also Jeff Sessions. See “Attorney General.”
Prisoner of war. Failure. See “failed.”
Pulitzer Prize. Award wrongly denied The National Enquirer. (https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/trump-once-wanted-the-national-enquirer-to-win-a-pulitzer-now-it-may-prove-his-downfall/2018/08/26/9b30388c-a87d-11e8-97ce-cc9042272f07_story.html?utm_term=.ea4e58c4b83d).
Putin, Vladimir. God.
Queens, borough of. Backwater where I’m ashamed to be from. Cf. “Manhattan.”
Rally. Taxpayer-funded get-out-the-hate festivity.
Reading. Activity that’s a lot less gratifying than watching “Fox & Friends.” See also “Fox Television.”
Republican. Useful idiot; means to an end. See “useful idiot.”
Rule of law. What I say the law is.
Russian. What Russians? “Haven’t made a phone call to Russia in years.” (https://themoscowproject.org/explainers/trumps-russia-cover-up-by-the-numbers-70-contacts-with-russia-linked-operatives/.
Scotland. Site of one of my golf courses.
Security clearance. Something in my power to revoke when I feel threatened. (https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/national-security/trump-intensifies-attack-on-bruce-ohr-justice-official-linked-to-russia-dossier/2018/08/29/41960442-aae8-11e8-b1da-ff7faa680710_story.html?noredirect=on&utm_term=.6e46c460f2c9). Cf. “confidentiality.”
Southern accent. One more thing that makes Jeff Sessions repulsive (https://www.politico.com/amp/story/2018/08/29/trump-sessions-firing-senators-white-house-803922?__twitter_impression=true). See also “Attorney General” and “Immigration policy/separation of children from parents.”
Tax return. Secular equivalent of Catholic confession, therefore must remain sealed. Cf. “confidentiality.”
The people. Me. The French guy got it right when he said, “the state, that’s me.” He said it in French, though.
Truth. (1) False concept; (2) what I need you to believe. Cf. “fake.”
Useful idiot. (1) Rally attendee; (2) Giuliani; (3) Republican. See “rally” and “Republican”; cf. “intelligence.”
War hero. (1) Something I couldn’t be because of bone spurs in my heels that haven’t bothered me since the Vietnam draft; (2) therefore, something no one else can be, either. (https://www.nytimes.com/2016/08/02/us/politics/donald-trump-draft-record.html). See also “prisoner of war.”
Wharton. School where I didn’t earn an MBA (https://www.quora.com/Did-Trump-lie-about-having-an-MBA-from-Wharton).
White House lawyer. My personal lawyer. See “personal lawyer.”
White supremacist. A patriot welcome at my rallies. See also “equal protection,” “patriotism” and “rally.”
Woman. When not qualified with an adjective, not a beautiful woman. Cf. “beautiful.”