To all our Associates:
Herewith, we list some commonly used polite phrases to assist our public relations, political consulting, healthcare and customer service associates. It’s crucially important that you understand their precise import. They are organized in alphabetical order for easy reference.
At your convenience.
Translation: Don’t take all day.
By the way…
Translation: Here’s my real point.
During the procedure, you’ll feel some discomfort.
Translation: Pain? What pain? That’s not pain.
For easy reference…
Translation: For stupid people.
For your convenience.
Translation: For our convenience.
Have a nice/great/fantastic day.
Translation: We’re done here.
I’m definitely interested.
Translation: I might get around to it sometime.
It’s beautiful.
Translation: It’s beautiful.
It’s very beautiful.
Translation: I can tell I’m supposed to really like this.
Love you, too.
Translation: Yeah yeah yeah.
No offense, but…
Translation: I hope you’re sitting down because this is going to make you feel stupid or ugly—probably both.
Please arrive fifteen minutes early for your doctor’s appointment.
Translation: We always overbook, but you need us and so you can wait.
Sales associate
Translation: Salesperson. You’re lucky to be associated with us.
Thank you for all the work you put into this.
Translation: Pity it was a waste of time.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Translation: We are incredibly relieved that you aren’t rising in protest and tearing us limb from limb.
Thank you for your patience.
Translation: You have no choice, but we play nice.
Thank you for your patience and cooperation.
Translation; Just shut up. Be an adult, as in compliant.
This is going to hurt me more than it does you.
Translation: I’m glad I’m not about to undergo what you are.
We invite you to review our updated Terms and Conditions and Privacy Statement now.
Translation: We’re kind of hoping you won’t bother, and if you do, it won’t be easy to find or comprehend. So good luck. And good luck in court.
We look forward to working with you and resolving this matter.
Translation: Shape up!
We value your business. Please hold for the next sales associate.
Translation: We really mean it, hang in there.
We value your business. Please hold for the next technical support representative.
Translation: We’re hardly going to waste money on customers we’ve already hooked, so we haven’t hired a whole lot of people for this department. Hopefully we’ll get to you.
Where are you from?
Translation: What planet was that?
You’re doing great.
Translation: You’re doing great.
You’re doing really great.
Translation: Not really, but I’m trying to be positive.
Love it!
Translation?